As you all know I love a good tablescape. The decorations, flowers, table linen options, dinnerware, flatware and stemware…I love it all and of course the endless ways a table can be styled. While I can certainly talk at length about the various ways to decorate a table, I wanted to focus today's post on the the actual mechanics of properly setting a table. You have to learn to walk before you can run, right?!?

There are subtle differences between setting a formal dinner table and an informal table, and the placement of tableware pieces definitely matters. Below I have laid out examples of each, along with additional tips/highlights to keep in mind for each type of table setting.

Informal

The Highlights….

Commonly used for brunch, lunch and casual dinners
Notice these meals typically do not have multiple courses, so setting out one simple set of flatware is plenty.
Water and either a wine goblet or champagne flute, but this is casual so you do not need to set out every piece of stemware
Knife blade should ALWAYS be facing inward towards the plate. The logic behind this rule- to avoid having the server cut his/her hand when clearing the dishes from the table.

Formal

The Highlights...

Commonly used for fancy sit-down dinners.
Stemware- Water goblet at the top, then red wine glass in the middle and white wine glass in the lowest position. Once the guest selects their wine, clear away whichever wine glass isn't being used.
Flatware- Include all flatware needed for the number of courses you plan to serve and place them in the order you plan to serve the dishes starting with the outward most utensils and working your way in. As you can see from my setting, I plan to serve soup, followed by salad, then a main course and a dessert that requires both a fork and spoon (positioned at the top).
Place cards always go to the upper left hand side, in between the bread plate and water glass.
For a detailed layout of both an informal and formal table setting, I would recommend checking out this Huffington Post article. They have a fabulous infographic.

Additional Etiquette Tips

Whether I am hosting or attending a dinner party (heck, even just going out to dinner) here are a few of my top etiquette tips I keep as my top of mind reference when dining. This is not meant to sound stuffy, rather it is just a nice guide for how to properly conduct yourself at the dinner table.

Flag Down- I think I wanted to start with this one because it is my ultimate pet peeve when people leave their spoon (aka flag) in their soup bowl. Resting or finishing, the soup spoon (flag) should always be down at rest to the side of your bowl.
Look to your Host/Hostess for Cues- When attending a sit-down dinner, you should look to your host/hostess for cues as to when to place your napkin in your lap and when to begin and be finished eating. Your host/hostess sets the pace for the table.
Treat your napkin with respect- think of your napkin like a lease…normal wear and tear is fine, but using your napkin to say, blow your nose, is unacceptable (yes this has happened to me). Lovely dinner napkins are not kleenex nor are they bounty paper towel rolls, so please do your best to treat them with respect.
Bread- when it comes to eating bread at the table, refrain from taking a bite straight out of the piece that has been served to you. Rather, consume by breaking off small pieces from the roll.
Salt and Pepper- It doesn't matter if a fellow diner asks to pass the salt, pepper or both, you always pass them together. Think of the salt and pepper as a married couple who should never be divorced.
Never reach across the table- I don't care if you are trying to avoid inconveniencing someone by grabbing an item yourself instead of having it passed, always ask someone to pass it and never reach. The likelihood that you will knock something over in the process of reaching is pretty high
Utensil Placement: Done vs. Still Eating- This is an easy tip to remember and helpful for those around you (especially waiters) to know if you are done with your dish or still working on it. When you are still in the midst of consuming a dish, you can rest your utensils face-side down, crossed in the center of your plate (pictured below). When you are finished with a dish, utensils should be aligned parallel to the right hand side (also pictured below).

I swear, table étiquette has enough content to fill book three times over! At it's core, I personally feel that the information I have shared with you today are the essential nuts and bolts. Manners and traditions (like properly setting the table) are important and something that I certainly appreciate. Whether you decide to apply some or all of these tips in the future, you now have access to what I would consider to be the necessary information for properly setting your table and being a guest at someone else's table.

As always, if you have other etiquette questions not covered in today's post, feel free to contact me via my contact page or email redefiningdomestics@gmail.com. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Earlier this week I was chatting with a girlfriend about our weekends. I was telling her all about my mom's visit to DC and she shared her weekend experience with a less than perfect houseguest. I firmly believe that you "do better when you know better," so I have decided to share my thoughts today on a few etiquette musts for being a houseguest in someone else's home. These have been staple rules that I have followed as a houseguest and boy have these rules served me well! While I have certainly spent a lot of time on this blog discussing all of the ways to make your guests comfortable, I think that it is also important to take time to share my thoughts on the opposite perspective, the guest! So without further adieu, here are my 6 essential rules for being an exemplary houseguest.

Don't Arrive Empty Handed

Whether it's a bottle of wine, a small gift or homemade coffee cake, you should always arrive with some sort of small thank you token in hand (click here for a few housewarming gift suggestions). Chances are that your host when to quite a bit of trouble to clean and prep the house for your arrival, so arriving with a token of appreciation in hand is both warranted and appreciated. In addition, the size of the gift/gesture should also reflect the length of your stay. If your trip is only for a night or two then a bottle of wine or homemade coffee cake is more than adequate. However, recently I stayed at my sister's house for a week which called for sending a more substantial housewarming gift (plus she is my sister). So I ordered her a set of cheese knives to say thank you, which are actually still on backorder, so I included a printed out picture of the gift in a card that I gave her when I arrived.

Treat your Host and/or Hostess to a Meal

When you are staying at someone's house for a weekend, chances are that your host is picking up the tab for the majority of the food and beverage that is being consumed. It is an extremely nice and appreciated gesture for the guest to chip in for at least one of the meals. So whether you are treating your host/hostess to dinner at a restaurant or even making breakfast for the host/hostess at the house. The point is that you should be responsible for at least one meal to remove some of the burden from your host/hostess. On my recent trip to San Francisco to visit my sister and brother-in-law, we took them out to dinner one night and then I cheesescaped another night since we were staying at their home for a week. Both events were great fun, very much appreciated and made my husband and I feel like we were doing our part to contribute during our extended stay.

Pick up after yourself

Hosts/hostesses tend to say things like "make yourself at home," when guests arrive…don't take that literally. Yes you want to feel comfortable, but keep it within reason. Meaning, you should still make your bed every morning, don't leave an explosion of clothes on the floor of the bedroom or bathroom and do not leave your used dishes in the sink (the dishwasher is probably a whole 6 inches from the sink, so rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher!). In addition, offer to help out. If your host has served dinner, offer to help clear the dishes or if they are tidying up a space, maybe offer to take out the trash. Regardless, be helpful and make a conscious effort to refrain from being a messy guest.

Don't Overstay Your Welcome

Before you book your trip to stay with someone, I would recommend talking to your host or hostess about your length of stay. It is always a good idea to run your arrival and departure dates/times by your host or hostess before firming up plans. An ideal weekend stay is to arrive after work on Friday and leave after brunch time on Sunday. Leaving on a Monday can be an inconvenience to a host or hostess, especially if they have to work. The same goes for arriving before they are finished with work for the day (like on a Thursday or Friday mid-day). In those situations, I would suggest that you assure your host or hostess that you are self sufficient (ex. can get yourself to/from the airport, can keep yourself busy with activities around town until the host/hostess is home from work). In essence, you want to think of your stay as an addition that enhances the weekend and does not create a burden. The same goes for a longer stay (more than a weekend but maximum of 1 week).

Strip the Bed

One of the first things that a host or hostess will do when a guest departs is to clean the house and get everything back into working order. One aspect of the cleaning involves washing the sheets that were used by the guest during their stay. Stripping the bed is a simple thing that you can do when packing up to leave that will really be a huge help to your host or hostess. On the day of your departure remove all sheets and pillow cases from the bed you had been using and ask the host or hostess where they would like for you to put the dirty sheets (ex. leave them on the floor in the bedroom or take them to the laundry room). Fold the blankets and comforters at the foot of the bed and stack pillows neatly. In addition, collect all of your used towels and add them to the pile of dirty sheets.

Thank You Note

A hand-written thank you note is an absolute MUST after staying at someone's home. This should be written within the week post stay, but honestly the sooner you write that note and get it mailed the better! Notes that are sent after a week are still appreciated but tend to lose their "oomph," because the moment in time has long since passed. Be sure to include a couple of sentences detailing your favorite parts of the trip, but refrain from being overly wordy. People want to be thanked, but they do not need to receive a novel. A nice and thoughtful note that expresses your appreciation for their hospitality will go a long way and will close out your visit on a very positive note. If you are in the market for personalized stationery, I highly recommend checking out the American Stationery Company. They have a wide selection of high quality stationery at very reasonable prices. I am a huge fan of their products.

In addition to these tips on etiquette, my final piece of advice would be to just enjoy your visit and the people you are visiting. Weekends and trips go by quickly, but keeping these etiquette tips in mind during your stay will help to ensure that a return trip invitation is extended to you in the future.